Church Tears

On Sunday we decided to visit the Cathedral in St. Paul instead of attending our church. It was beautiful of course and very BIG as Cathedrals are supposed to be. We arrived 30 minutes early for mass so that we could visit the shrines of the saints and take a small self guided tour around the church (it IS a landmark). I lit a candle for my son Caleb who is in Heaven now and it was comforting. Since Caleb died, our church has become an even more important part of my life. I feel closer to God during mass and therefore closer to my baby since he is with God.

We sat down in our pew a few minutes before mass was about to start. As we watched the large Catholic families stream in I felt that ache any woman who has lost a child or is struggling with infertility (in my case both apply) is all too familiar with. I miss my son and want another child SO bad that some days it is all consuming.

During Mass I heard a little boy yell and I swear he sounded just like my Caleb. I almost walked out of the mass it hurt so much but I didn't. Instead I swallowed my tears and decided to see this as a simple sign from God not to give up and that Caleb is OK in His arms.